Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Annual Holiday Letter - 2014

Family and friends:

This started out as a good year. Everyone was healthy and sane (sanity is somewhat relative in our house!) 

Business was good... a good year.

The weather was nice, we even had a good crop of cherry tomatoes.... a good year!

Jane started taking French lessons as well as attended classes in photography... a good year!

I went to New York City for my annual book convention and  landed several good (i.e. paying!) clients for the web biz ( ... a good year!

Our HVAC system didn't crash and burn like we expected, but it's going to... anyone want to give us $10K for a new one? We lived in fear all summer... and we dodged the bullet... a good year!

We had a wonderful visit with my mother in Florida, who turned 89 this year... still lives independently, still drives, and still thinks I'm ten years old (You'd think I'd know at age 67 to wear clean socks and underwear, but no, not in Florida!) 

It was a good year!

Then, on a dark, dark day in November it all stopped. Life as I knew it ended. My tranquility and serenity was immediately transformed into total chaos. Nothing was the same, everything was different. My world turned from a bright happy place to one of constant stress, trials, and tribulations. 

What are you thinking? Sickness? Divorce? Death? Catastrophe? No. Wrong. I could deal with all of that if necessary. But what has been impossible to deal with is ... OUR NEW PUPPY. 

He chews everything, he bites everything, he pees on everything, he barks at everything, and he has singled me out specifically as the one life he wants to make most horrible. 

We call him Peppy, or Pepsi or Peps... or "you $#@ing dog!" depending on what shoe or piece of clothing of MINE he has chewed, eaten, or peed on. 

With Jane he's sweet and gentle and even calm. With me he becomes terrorist-dog from Al-Qaida Kennels. I heard TSA put him on a no-fly list! 

Do you know what sleep deprivation is? I do. Oh yeah!. He has a high-pitched yelp that sounds like Rush Limbaugh going off on Hillary!  Did you ever have cops show up at your door after they drove by and thought there was a strangulation going on? It's embarrassing! 

And the cost? Can he eat normal dog food? Oh no, his regal-ness has to have premium food... and the more it costs the better he likes it. He does it just to spite me.

And poor Penny, who is actually the wild thing's aunt, is getting beaten up daily. I'm telling you, this will be the first dog sent to Folsom Prison!

So why did I get a puppy? Because I'm married. (What else do you gottta know?) 

But Jane loves him... and I kind of grudgingly 'like' him... when he sleeps... which is not very often. Still, he's new life in the house... and we lost our older dog, Jack and our older cat Karmi within a couple of weeks of each other this fall. 

I'm told that if we can live through all of this, we'll get a really good dog out of it. I've also been told the Cubs will win the World Series in my lifetime. 

So that's it from here. Of course we wish all of you a safe, healthy, and prosperous New Year... and I'm offering $1200 to anyone who comes and takes the puppy-from-hell home with them! 


Jane, Al, Ziva (the crazy calico cat), Penny (the sainted Aussie dog) and... Peps (Call now. Operators are standing by!)

Alan N. Canton, Managing Partner 
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